Help yourself, Help your child.

At the age of 9 I lost my Dad. I never felt or experienced the pain of that till I was High School far from home. I was constantly surrounded by other kids who had beautiful things to share about their fathers, but mine was no more. I got to a state of depression, I had all sorts of thoughts, maybe I should just die was a though that lingered on my head everyday, but I told myself I would stay strong. I faked it but it worked for me. I lost focus especially in Grade 11, I was surprised I passed. My major problem was that I never wanted my Mom to know that I am not okay. I did not want her to think that she is not doing enough, because she was. I just wanted my father to be alive as well. It has been a difficult journey, but that was my childhood problem. I just had to tell myself I need to readjust and own my problem or life challenge because it was my situation and it was never going to change, I just had to live with it. I ended up accepting my reality, little did I know that adulting would be more challenging than my childhood problem. It has been a journey of all sorts of pain. 

I know people don’t care about such stories or anyone’s problems for that matter, but maybe there is someone who is parenting a child or children alone where the partner died and is now left with the responsibility to raise kids. My opinion based on my experience would be: talk to your children about your partner, let them tell you how they feel about their new life without the other parent. How does it make them feel when others are sharing stories of a complete family. Try not to avoid the topic, it is likely that they want to talk, but they don’t want to cause you pain. Listen to them and if you see they are suffering, take them to Therapy.

These are the struggles people face, children grow up to be clueless adults, because of issues that happened in their childhood. I am not justifying wrongs, but the root of a person’s problem may be deeper than the need for us to use our ever ready Red Pens (Judgement) to mark all the mistakes. This is life. It happens and it happens to all of us. The unfortunate thing about it is that we all face these uninvited troubles and in our society, mental health problems of any sort seem to be taboo, we fear opening up, because we don’t want people to think that we do not have it all together. We are good at keeping the solid front while we die silently within.

I am not yet dead though I feel like it, I have not put on the emergency lights, let me rather say I am parked. I just nee to think. My life has been a comedy of sorrows. So worry not, but let us work on helping ourselves, that is a full time job.

I remain your girl Promise Sanqela, I know there are some people who can relate to this story. Let me hear your experiences, opinions and how you redeemed or plan to redeem the situation in your respective households.

I Am A Woman

So weak, so vulnerable and yet so strong and so courageous. I am a woman. I carry a lot in my heart in my mind and on my shoulders. See I carry the responsibility of raising my kids teaching them how to pray “Our Father Who Art in Heaven”. I teach them how to recite Psalm 23. I teach them how to relate to elders. I also carry my responsibility of praying for my husband. Yes, I pray for my family day and night. I never stop praying for my husband even though he has stopped loving me after a single night that I did not perform to his expectation. I wonder…. because he does not have courage to tell me what I did not do right when we last played, yet I pray for him. I do not count against him all the days he got tired before I was satisfied and could not cuddle, but slept off when I needed him the most.

It is 30 years I have been with him. I have endured so much beatings, both physical and emotional, shouting and embarrassment; but I kept on hoping that things will get back to normal even though I knew deep down in my heart that he had stopped loving me. Every time I think of causing him pain; I pity him so much because I remember that a woman gave birth to him (I am also a woman) and tried to raise a man even though he allowed the world to raise him. I can’t hurt him because I love him.

Yes, I carry a lot of burdens in my heart. I desire the warmth of his love. I am a woman. I know I am so weak and vulnerable so weak. I cry every night, I do what I am best at, I cry, my pillow soak in my tears, no one to cuddle me. I wake up in the morning wash my face, dress up and raise my head as though nothing has happened. I look at my kids and wonder what kind of a woman will I be if I give up. I hurt a lot but I cannot give up. I cannot give up love, although after 30 years I decide to leave my matrimonial home. I walk out and leave my heart there. When I enter another house, I have memories of my first home because that is where I took my time learn and understand what being a woman truly meant. I look at my life as a big joke, I begin to laugh at myself especially when I consider the fact that as a woman from time to time I want to be so weak and vulnerable and allow a man to have power over me to show his machoism over me leaves me speechless, breathless and almost cripple. Yes, I am an emotional being I am a woman, you will never understand me. Now listen, there is nothing much expected from you. Just avail yourself to hug, to cuddle and to embrace, it wipes away all wrongs.

Love isn’t an easy thing to find, because what we had was something special, something that cannot easily be thrown away. I have then decided to calm down and not take everything personal to overlook some and see where that leads me. The fact that you never share what is going on in your heart is what gives me a slow and painful death. I am not an angel that I am sure of.

As I conclude all I can say is that I am weak and vulnerable, give me your attention. I love you…

I remain your girl Promise Sanqela, I know there are some people who can relate to this story. Let me hear your experiences, opinions and how your redeemed the situation in your respective households.

The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her

This is mouthful and every woman has to read it.  I pray you will read this with and open heart.  God bless you. The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her.

I Wonder, I Appreciate

Sometimes I wonder how life would be like, if this man (father) was still around. I wonder what type of conversations I would have with him. I wonder the kind of advice he would give me. I wonder the kinds of jokes he would tell. I wonder the kind of suits he would wear (double or single slit) I wonder the types of hangouts he would like. I wonder the type of food would make him happy. I wonder the types of things that would irritate him. I wonder the dream he would have had for me. I wonder if he would have enough time to listen to me. I wonder if he would pick the phone and call me everyday just to find out what I am up to. I wonder what his expectations of me would be. I wonder if he would allow me hug him as I please. I wonder if he would have been the one to teach me how to drive. I wonder if…….. I wonder, I really wonder.

I do not imply that she (mother) did not do her best. In fact the mere thought of the amount of burden she carried to make sure that life was so good always makes me so emotional. Mother never allowed me to believe that life is full of challenges, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. I never knew that adults cry, because she has never cried in my presence. She never stops praying and praying for us the children. From a very young age she taught me responsibilities that I hold so dear. Today I say yes I am a woman and not just a woman but a phenomenal woman. I may not have the approval of many based on my outward appearance, but something in me that was invested by the woman who by mere saying Kunjani na sisi (how are you my daughter) puts and end to all sorrows. is admired by many. Mother taught me how to pray, how to cook, how to clean, how to knit, how to read and write. Mother believed in my dreams in fact to this day she does. The support she gave me in my childhood businesses makes my face warm. This is love. Words can never express my deep appreciation to what mother taught me. She taught me and showed me how to be strong and trust God. I stumble at times, but I speak to her on the phone and mere listening to her stories liberates me. Her love lifts me up every time. Nomsa Sanqela God bless you!

Happy Women’s Month

August! August!!  August!!!

Yes August has come once again and the hails of Happy Women’s month are on everyone’s lips.

Indeed we celebrating women, but I would like us to celebrate this month in a different way. By a different way I mean, let us not only look at the past a hold on to what happened 20 years ago in the Union Buildings.  Let us celebrate today! Let us celebrate women who are determined to make their different houses homes for their families. Women of virtue who are ready to hold a hot pot with both their hands until it cools down in their hands. Let us celebrate women who know and understand that their role is to bring warmth to their communities.  I am talking about women who understand that every soul deserves a portion of love, peace, comfort, a plate of food and a warm night rest. This has nothing to do with any financial stability, because success is not measured but the amount of money that one has, but by doing little things that make your own heart happy. A greeting here, a plate of food here, a hug there, a blanket in another place unites a community.

Women are home builders. We cannot constantly complain about our youth and how wicked, rebellious and reckless they have become. The question we are to ask ourselves is; where are the beautiful women that had it all in their hands to groom and teach morals to these future leaders? We cannot complain about the youth and say they lack character whereas no one took their time to teach them character. It is time to unlearn the lessons that our young ones have taught themselves while we were busy neglecting them and being too occupied with ourselves.

Women are home builders and community builders. So let us be what we are good at -nurturing and bringing warmth to everyone around us and also taking time to give care to awesome dreams around us.

PROVERBS 31

Another point of celebration this month is to celebrate women who work so hard. Working against all odds to combat any form poverty and teaching their children that hard work pays. I celebrate a woman who does not mind waking up in the morning to go and clean the malls or office buildings. These women point out a very important message for me, because I know they have someone so dear at heart and they will make sure they provide for that individual. Once again, beautiful women of South Africa let us not look down on one another because of our work class. Let us remember that in life sometimes we are in front and sometimes we are behind, that is just how life is and we must learn to accept that. Jealousy only separates and crushes the inner dream we all have to be great women at heart. The world needs to balance just like a human body is balanced. People who are successful in their own rights, if there was no one cleaning after them would they really make it? If business women that have grocery did not have people packing she shelves in their stores would they really make it? Now who is more successful, in my own view successful women are those who help others become what they have always dreamt of while they also climb their own ladder of success. Now I look in wonder and say what kind of woman is to be celebrated. I celebrate a woman who passes through so much and yet has her home at heart. Well I know some women will disagree with me on the bases of “I am not going to be a slave to anyone” well no one is talking about  slavery but the expression of love to your home and your community. You may be crying today, but if you do all your good deeds with a pure heart God is your rewarder and will allow those rewards to be revealed in your life daily.

Be that woman who dares to dream knowing deep down that one day that dream will become a visible reality.

Happy women’s month.  I celebrate you for who you are in trying to put a smile on someone’s face.

WHEN IT SEEMS SNOWY

Naturally, everyone wants life to be a bed of roses. Everyone wants to enjoy the bigger slice of life. Yes everyone wants to be loved and to be admired, everyone desires breakthrough, freedom and all the good things the land produces, but one thing is clear, our critics and enemies will never leave our reputation  unstained and untarnished.

This simply means, in the university of God; no matter how brilliant you may be you must take every course, because each course serves a purpose. Yes you must be a graduate of intimidation, a graduate of hatred, a graduate of persecution and the likes. You can never be given double promotion if you are to make it in life.
When seas are calm and really stable no one is really tested, so from both positive and negative experiences we continue to learn.
When it is all snowy and cloudy, soldier on and believe that there is a higher hand that is guiding you.God rescued you in the past, He will rescue you now.
Blaming God for evil and those who cause it in your life is like blaming the sun for darkness and night.
Remember the Bible says we must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.
Ask those who are high in society how they made it and how they maintained their position, they will tell you that if your focus is only money, you will miss the bigger slice of life. They will tell you that for everything to stand the test of time, you must be ready to start in a weak form, You must be ready to be falsely accused and hated by all. They will tell you that no matter what sense evidence have to say you must never lose sight of your dream. They will tell you that the more the opposition the wiser you are, because opposition makes a man of vision to discover and develop better strategies to further their cause in the presence of their enemies, but the key to it all is Jesus Christ in your heart.
Yes Jesus Christ must be the foundation of all you do. 
As much as Jesus Christ does not seem to answer us in time, but one thing is clear Jesus Christ hears prayers and it is in the mind of God to answer prayers. God’s time is the best. Sometimes we cry out to God demanding for what has long been released. If what we are crying for has been released no matter what happens that is ours all we need to do is to receive it by faith. When I say by faith I mean have confidence in God, be committed to Him and  obey all His commands.

Do not complain too much about your snowy and cloudy life. Do you believe that Jesus Christ died for you, well if you do let His death on the cross save you. I mean accept his love and instruction and that death will save you. Do you believe that Jesus lives, yes He lives He never says goodbye. So when men reject you God will start directing you. Remember man’s rejection provokes God’s direction.

So when it is all snowy and cloudy- never give up but look up and find the rainbow, because no condition is permanent. The sun will shine on you as well. There is still hope for a better future.

EDUCATION IS KEY

Hello everybody, I hope you all have been keeping well. I know it has been quite a while now that I have shared my thoughts with you. A lot has been happening that has kept my mind so deeply engaged in thoughts, until I realized that we are living in a very sick society that is in desperate need for healing.

Education is the key that opens all the closed doors to a brighter future.

Today, I decided to share my experience on the issue that is so vital and yet disregarded by many “Education”

When I was in my first and second grades I thought school was the best thing ever that I could give attention to. My mom had to teach me after school whether she wanted to or not, because I would not let her ignore me. I believed that I needed to learn something new every day. When I was in my third grade, for some reason I did not think school was cool anymore and as a result my grades dropped drastically. I think my mom just realized that something had gone wrong and had to force me to study. I truly studied or should I say I memorized everything until I finished secondary school. I had the biggest regret when I went to the tertiary institution where I realized that most of my text books were the ones we used in matric. One would think this would be a piece of cake for me but it was contrary. I had to start from scratch. I was simply un-serious about my education or anything associated with learning.

When I had finished and graduated only to realize that petty things like “a blender” were unknown to me. Words like “haste” were not part of my vocabulary. I knew that a great part of my life has been wasted and I could not blame this on anyone except myself.

Well, the moral of the story, it to tell our young ones that education is vital. They should all peruse it with all they have. They must use the resources at our disposal without a shadow of doubt. Education is not all about passing your grades with flying colours and still having an empty head. It is a matter of understanding what is being taught. The mistake that the teachers and they young ones make today is that they are only interested in the pleasures of today and have no regard for the future. No one wants to think of how to build leaders of tomorrow and yet we cry day and night that something is not right in the world.

The lack of interest has become so rampant in our generation.  Who is out there that is ready to restore the lost hope of education to the young ones? We cannot leave this to the government if we want something done. As united citizens we can do something to change the attitude of the teachers and the learners. By ‘something’ I mean when share our experiences; those that made us successful and those that made us fail. Let people learn from our experiences and be liberated. Education is the key that opens closed doors to a brighter future. Don’t follow my example, pay attention to your studies and have a brighter future.

So, teachers do your job with one thought in mind and that is one day you will be old and need someone to take care of you. If you don’t educate your learners, you are the ones to suffer in the future because there will be no amiable people in your world. Children, pay attention to what you are being taught, tomorrow you must grow and be the leaders in your families and if you are without education you a likely to be a burden on others. So let us be the change that we want to see.

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!

It is so common these days to want to be like certain people we see on our TV screens. We want to emulate the lifestyle of a Movie character, forgetting that when these people are off set have lives, worries, anxieties and desires. Sometimes the problems they have are more that our own problems, yet we work so hard to be like them. We compete with their fashion trends, whereas they are sponsored; on the contrary we have to pay for every thing we want to wear. This is how we drain our pockets and lose sight of our own dreams and goals, because the other person’s lifestyle seems to be more interesting.
Note; I am not against any celebrity and the glamorous lives they are portraying, but I am concerned about those who have not arrived anywhere with their careers and yet want to live as if the they own the world. It is not necessary to wallow in self-pity day and night because you want to be like someone in a movie. Live your own life and be more peaceful.

Headache wanting to be like someone else???

Now let me ask you a question. When was the last time you were very honest with yourself, where you judged the truth about yourself not what you want people to judge about yourself? That time when you believed your conscience and considered changing the things it criticized about you. When was the last time? Don’t you think you are on the bright side of life when you are very honest with yourself?
It will be very easy to give an answer to this question, if you have been living the lifestyle of self-deception for too long. I mean the lifestyle that cannot distinguish between the true conviction and false conviction. If you have pretended too much you are likely not to know that you are pretending or not.

I thought I should write about this today. I want to give everyone an opportunity to think about their actions. That moment when you do something and ask yourself why am I doing this, why am I saying this, why am I going to this place? Asking yourself these questions and not criticizing the answers and end up justifying them, but rather making informed decisions about everything you put your energy on.
The lives we lead today are those that require a certain attitude and that attitude can either make you or crucify you. Some people think being rude is cool, it is not. Being rude is something that has rejection as reward. Now you know why many potential relations and  friendship died in their teething stages. Rethink!
It is time for introspection. Think about those things you really need and leave wants, because they are always initiated by what media has served you. Your time will come and your personal effort will not be required. Everything will be available for you. So be a celebrity of good character, well-mannered and polite person that even those people you so want to be like, will rather be the ones wanting to learn from you.

YOU ARE THE BEST!

Hello everyone. Thank you for your visits to my Blog. I hope you will enjoy the message I have for you today.

Let me first ask you a question. Have you ever looked around and saw your age mates, colleagues, neighbours in an advantaged position than you? On which grounds did you base that judgement? Are you working towards achieving the same results as everyone else?

Stop Comparing yourself!

Stop pursuing God’s goal for someone else’s life just because what you get does not always agree with what you hoped to get. Yes; sometimes we do not always have things the way we expect them, but that should not give you the reason to compare yourselves to others. Remember we all have our individual beginning and end. It may be my time to march, but it may be your time to rest; it may be my time now to run, but it may be yours to walk. So in whatever situation you find yourself in, don’t beat the gun; you are likely to be pulled back if not down. I mean, if you are in a haste to achieve something you are likely to make costly mistakes that will pull you back if not down.
Do you see the reason why you must not compare yourself to others? Because everything that has to do with you has its own season. I mean everything that has to do with you has been fixed. So, there is no need for you to compare yourself to others because God makes everything beautiful in its time.

Many confuse comparing and admiring. Comparing yourself is when you use other people’s standards to measure your strengths and weakness. Admiring is to look at a person’s success and salute them and pray for them to continue to succeed. There is nothing wrong in admiring, but do not admire to a point of losing sight of your own dreams. You are just as great and successful in your area of work. Many people admire so much that they start comparing themselves to those they once lived to salute. You don’t have to give less time and attention to the job you have been enjoying so much until you saw someone who seems to be making it.
Do you know what they are passing through? Sometimes they are in a worse state than you and they envy you so much. Spending so many hours wanting to posses what they posses can only mean one thing and that is; you are heading for a great fall. Everything about you may seem to suggest that you are

in an inferior position, but you are with peace and comfort and they cry day and night. Focus on your own dream and goal.

We cannot all be Accountants/ Doctors/ Business man. Let us focus on that which was allotted to us and leave the rest for others.
There is no need to compare yourself to anyone. Believe you are the best. Believe your product and advance it. Know that in the world we are living in there will always be people who seem to be in a more advantaged position and yet there are those in a more disadvantaged position. Therefore be content with the position you are in. What will keep you going and successful is when you strive to do better than your best in whatever position and involve God. God will not look at the amount of wealth you are able to accumulate, but your attitude towards Him and others. If you put love in all you do, I mean genuine love that is expressed in action, be sure to have God as your pay master.

Believe your dream!

If you have been comparing yourself to others you will agree with me that it  has not done anything blissful than leaving you in misery, frustration, anxiety and the likes. When you do something because you see someone making it in that particular area, you will realize that many doors close instead of opening for you. The reason why I say you should stop comparing yourself with others is that, the way and manner God executes His plans in His people’s lives differ. You just need to know God’s purpose for your life. Step out in the direction of God’s calling for your life and you will astonish yourself. Believe that no one and there will never be anyone quite like you!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Mother’s love

Today as the celebrations are going on, people saluting the champions in their lives. I am humbled by the strength of the woman who gave birth to me, nursed me, cuddled me, taught me how to pray, taught me character. A woman who knew that the only way to remove any atom of evil from a child is to keep the rod of correction in her hand. Loving so much that she would do everything humanly possible to drive out all evil behaviour from the little ones. Today I am proud of my character,because it makes me to appreciate the woman who had a vision of a well mannered girl. Not only did she see the vision, she believed the vision and made it work. This is the woman who tightened her belt and made sure that all the needs of her family were taken care of. Amazing lessons I learned from this woman. Thank you Maradebe, Mthimkhulu, Bhungane, Nosele, Ndlebenhle zombini, Bhucwa….
Now as this day continues to unfold, I remember story that I heard in High School by Rev. Flathela and my face warms up as emotions overwhelms my soul. Therefore I take this opportunity to say to all those who cannot say Happy Mother’s day to any one, here I am ready to mother you, with no intention of replacing the absence of the woman who will forever be special in your life; it is just my way of saying an opportunity to still be loved, cuddled and protected is still available.
To those who are mothers, let this day be a reminder of that promise you made to God, and to your family when you had the children. Let that promise of training your children in the ways of the Lord be rekindled today. As you receive the gifts and the messages of appreciation let them give you the reason to do more for your family. Ask yourself if you are really worthy of all the love and appreciation your family is showing you today. So stand with one thought in mind that says God help me to be the mother in this family, not only because I am a female and I gave birth to my children, but because I of the way I care for every individual you have put in my care, teach me how to pray for my family.