At the age of 9 I lost my Dad. I never felt or experienced the pain of that till I was High School far from home. I was constantly surrounded by other kids who had beautiful things to share about their fathers, but mine was no more. I got to a state of depression, I had all sorts of thoughts, maybe I should just die was a though that lingered on my head everyday, but I told myself I would stay strong. I faked it but it worked for me. I lost focus especially in Grade 11, I was surprised I passed. My major problem was that I never wanted my Mom to know that I am not okay. I did not want her to think that she is not doing enough, because she was. I just wanted my father to be alive as well. It has been a difficult journey, but that was my childhood problem. I just had to tell myself I need to readjust and own my problem or life challenge because it was my situation and it was never going to change, I just had to live with it. I ended up accepting my reality, little did I know that adulting would be more challenging than my childhood problem. It has been a journey of all sorts of pain.
I know people don’t care about such stories or anyone’s problems for that matter, but maybe there is someone who is parenting a child or children alone where the partner died and is now left with the responsibility to raise kids. My opinion based on my experience would be: talk to your children about your partner, let them tell you how they feel about their new life without the other parent. How does it make them feel when others are sharing stories of a complete family. Try not to avoid the topic, it is likely that they want to talk, but they don’t want to cause you pain. Listen to them and if you see they are suffering, take them to Therapy.
These are the struggles people face, children grow up to be clueless adults, because of issues that happened in their childhood. I am not justifying wrongs, but the root of a person’s problem may be deeper than the need for us to use our ever ready Red Pens (Judgement) to mark all the mistakes. This is life. It happens and it happens to all of us. The unfortunate thing about it is that we all face these uninvited troubles and in our society, mental health problems of any sort seem to be taboo, we fear opening up, because we don’t want people to think that we do not have it all together. We are good at keeping the solid front while we die silently within.
I am not yet dead though I feel like it, I have not put on the emergency lights, let me rather say I am parked. I just nee to think. My life has been a comedy of sorrows. So worry not, but let us work on helping ourselves, that is a full time job.
I remain your girl Promise Sanqela, I know there are some people who can relate to this story. Let me hear your experiences, opinions and how you redeemed or plan to redeem the situation in your respective households.
Lady Promise 